July 3, 2021

Get ready.

I got a pay raise.

You just heard me scream!

I want to understand something about life. How I can love and hate it at the same time. How things can look so bleak and yet I can find a moment where the sun shines through the clouds and that’s enough to keep me smiling for days.

Then the storm blows in… I got court papers? Who ever heard of a credit company suing you for $1200? Even after you called them and said you don’t have the money now, but when you do you’ll start making payments. Sigh. Just one more thing to deal with on my messy plate.

I think I might’ve broken myself down. Made myself feel things and believe things that I regret thinking now. Decisions I have made, I have always followed my gut, prayed first or truly considered all the positives and negative outcomes before proceeding to make the decision. When I say, that I truly never regret anything in my life, this is why. Because I know that at the moment of the decision I recognize that it truly was the best option. My now ex boyfriend of course disagrees with my decision, yet I am slowly finding I am less stressed and am able to function on a normal level. Would I have passed my review with flying colors, even without breaking up with him? Probably. Yet, it happened after I did. The decision to not jump ship and immediately move out of state, was definitely made in survival mode. Yet, now I have the ability to save up even more money and move in comfort and in style. I have people here willing to help me with transportation that I did not even know about. My friends and I have never been closer even though many of them are in different states.

I’m smiling… and am so relieved.

Officially moved into the new tiny apartment last night. It feels so good to be sleeping in a bed again. Dwayne is a little freaked out still but he’ll get more used to it once his cat tree is moved in and he has been here with me alone for a bit. I’m grateful for the small comfort, the life I’m going to enjoy. Yeah, still stressed about some things but today… I won’t let anything bring me down.

Happy 3 Day weekend!

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