June 23, 2021

The person I’m in love with…the person I fuck…the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Three different people.

I grew up in a very traditional christian household. I was taught that one man, one wife made up the perfect marriage. That you could only be in-love with one person, and that if God willed it this would be the person you would spend the rest of your life with and you were only allowed to sleep with them. Oh, how that is such an error on this society… My best friend and I recently had a woman-to-woman conversation by what she defines as “soul mates”. That one person can have many different soul mates that help balance us; each serving a different purpose in our lives.

Being a witch, I understand the universal bond of “soul ties”, very much like the concept of “soul mates”. Your soul, or spiritual essence, is intertwined with others that make up your destiny, your desires and also your life path. Some of these ties based on our ability to choose, according to the book of Moses, can be severed or as time passes the tie can change course. The sad part about a soul tie, is once a tie is formed you cannot “untie” yourself from this person. You experience a deep authentic bond even if you are no longer in their life anymore. You may find yourself constantly returning to this person physically or even mentally or subconsciously because until this tie has been untied at its purpose you just can’t get rid of them.

I have yet to truly believe that love is anymore than an evolution of our animalistic desire to procreate. In the last few weeks, however, I’ve recognized one thing about myself when it comes to the people I tolerate… I am not satisfied with one person. Probably never will be… because the person I’m in-love with doesn’t want me. The people I fuck, I love like family. And the person I want to spend the rest of my life with is not mature enough yet.

On the other side of my complicated life…

T-minus 9 days until I move to my new apartment. T-minus 13 months and 8 days until I move states.

Haven’t even begun to pack for this first transition… got a bad cold with my emotional guard down… all I want is to lie in bed and pretend the world is frozen for a few days. I don’t even desire to drink! I just want to wallow…

Sleeping on the couch for the past few weeks, hasn’t been the easiest on my back. I don’t ever seem to catch a break. Honestly, this is sad to admit…but I’m seriously looking forward to moving to my new place and shutting everyone out for a month.

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