May 23, 2021

It’s not fun to deal with Major Depressive Disorder. Even worse, when all your triggers have to do with a happy, healthy home.

Everything about my house makes me depressed.

I always try to wake up motivated. Lately, its been close to impossible. I get up and do my stretches, get dressed to go downstairs to work out and the first thing I see is a messy kitchen that I was sure was clean the night before. Tools still left on the coffee table in the living room from my boyfriend’s project four days ago. Laundry still left on the kitchen table. Dishes from his midnight snack stacked everywhere in the kitchen. Clean dishes in the dish washer still left in the dishwasher. Blankets and pillows from the last time his sister stayed over still left on the couches.

So I make myself coffee and head upstairs.

Entering the office, I see cups, glasses and dishes left on his desk. The closet overflowing with stuff I asked him to organize 6 months ago. My treasured possession (my sewing machine) still in the original box because his stuff is sitting on top of it.

I wanna go back to bed.

Entering back into my room, I see his clothes and shoes shoved under the bed. Bags of chips left open on the floor for the cat to get into. My luggage from our trip back in February that’s supposed to go into the office closet, “stashed” in the corner.

I give up. I crawl back into bed. I dream of my own clean house, my own car, and no one to live with to disturb my peace. A happy, healthy home. A place I can be proud to entertain.

So if you’re wondering why I’m still in bed today. Don’t talk to me, my house is a mess.

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