The 5 Types of Women

The wife type, a mom type, a bad bitch type, a sweet type or a tomboy type

  1. The wife type doesn’t want to work, but may work from home. She probably went to college for the boos and boys and ended up with the richest guy she could get her claws into. She wants to be treated like a queen, so you better make 80k a year. She wants a house, but no kids so she can throw crazy house parties, but still enjoys cleaning up after you and yelling at you to do it while happily scrubbing your best friends vomit out of the bath tub
  2. A mom type wants a simple way of life but her full time job is her family. She is lazy at sex and often too tired to even give you head. But better make 50k a year and have a life insurance plan because you will grow obese with her bomb ass cooking and insane from your 5 crazy kids. She’ll have a small group of other mom friends to gossip about how lazy and ungrateful her family is while happily not having a social life at all because all she needs is her family. She’ll argue with your mother at gatherings and be a complete sucker for match making.
  3. A bad bitch type wants her independence but is so insecure she drags you to go clothes shopping with her and forces you to be “honest” when all she wants to hear is how hot she is, but the get offended if your bro’s has a wife that’s hotter than her. She flashes her body off in public and makes you feel like your dick is small, but treats you like a god in the sheets. Inevitably she’ll lie about being pregnant to worry you and then cheat on you with your best friend. She’ll talk shit behind your back to her girl pals but tell you you are her soul mate. 
  4. A sweet type is the girl you take home to your mom. She wants to please you by having no real opinions of her own. Her favorite color is probably a soft pink. She cries at movies. She wants you to be strong and masculine, but sensitive to her feelings and insecurities. She’ll lavish with you with presents and expect nothing back but then get insecure if you want to spend time with your bros on game day instead of watch Titanic with her. She’ll try to be interested in everything you are while still not being “one of the guys”.
  5. The tomboy type is exactly that. A tomboy. She’s the girl your homies want to include to watch the game, play video game and kick your ass in beer pong. She’s self righteous and probably thinks she is the god at everything while secretly always being broke and living pay check to pay check. She’ll hunt, fish and camp with you. She’ll yell at the waiter when your steak is medium well instead of medium rare. She probably has daddy issues and loves to cuddle, but if you tell anyone she’ll rage. She secretly knows all the guys like her and will accidentally throw that in your face when she starts getting dick picks. And probably make out with everyone in the room if she gets too drunk. 

The wife type turns into the bad bitch type after too many fights with your mom about how she treats you. 

The bad bitch type turns into the tomboy type when she realizes she can use her insecurities to be around you and watch you like a hawk. 

The tomboy type turns into the sweet type when she is ashamed she cheated on you and comes crawling into your arms.

The sweet type turns into the mom type when you accidentally get her pregnant. 

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